What to do When You Feel Lonely?

Q: When I am truly joyful and clear, there is an exuberance inside; it is like I am melting. But people around me are pulling me down, even though I try not to let them. And if I keep to myself, I feel lonely. What should I do?

Sadhguru: The more lonely and depressed you feel, the more the need for company. The more joyful and exuberant you become, the less you will need company. So if you feel lonely when you are alone, that means you are obviously in bad company! If you were with a good person, why would you feel lonely? You would feel great. People’s idea of exuberance is “Let’s talk, let’s dance, let’s listen to music, let’s do this, let’s do that!” But you can just sit quietly and be absolutely exuberant.

If your exuberance is manufactured, then you need company. If you are exuberant by your own nature, if life has become exuberant, activity is just a consequence. If your life is not exuberant, and you are trying to crank it up with activity, then activity is the means.

This is the big difference. Either you dance and arrive at a certain state of exuberance, or because you are exuberant and you cannot contain it, you dance. These are two different things. Either because you are happy you burst out into laughter, or someone told you, “Every day in the morning if you laugh and laugh, one day you will become happy.” These are two different ways. Look at everything around you; tell me, which way does life work?

Is it because there are flowers that the plant and root came up like a support to the flower? No. Because the exuberance in the stem could not be contained, it flowered. This is the way life should happen. If you try to live the other way, it is going to be a very hard life.

Constantly putting yourself out into the world like you are joyful, when you are actually not, is the hardest life in the world. When you are not happy, to show everyone that you are happy, it costs a phenomenal amount of life. Have you noticed this? There are some people who, when they are happy, they are happy; when they are not happy, they are not happy. They just show it to everyone, the whole world knows their act of life. Some people manage to pretend all the time, but it takes a phenomenal amount of energy to keep it up like that. People end up with lumps and tumors in their body constantly trying to put on an act. If you make your mind in a certain way, you will do that to yourself.

The only saving grace for people is they never do anything steadily. Their joy is off and on, their misery is off and on. It is never fully on. If you become utterly miserable, you will see the consequence of it. If you become utterly joyful, you will see the consequence of it. If you become utterly angry, you will see the consequence of it. You do not see the consequence of anything because you are always off and on.

People ask me, “Sadhguru, what kind of attitude and emotion should I have?” I say, “Any damn thing is okay.” If you want to be angry, be angry for 24 hours, non-stop; you will get enlightened. If you like love, be loving 24 hours. You will get enlightened. Just keep it on, and you will come to a certain realization. That is all it takes.

Everything – every cell, every atom – in the existence can be a doorway to the beyond if you go steadily at it. The problem is, people keep shifting. This is happening in the world today like never before. People think it is a virtue that their attention spans are very short. If you keep shifting, nothing happens. Go wherever you want to go, but steadily.